I can’t do it.

It took me all of about 24 hours to remember what I love most about my life here in the Philippines.

And it’s not the kids (affectionately referred to often as the crazies).
Its not the weather either- although its suuuuper nice to not be freezing my face off anymore.
It’s not the Filipino people and their constant smiling.
And it’s not the food- even though I have missed a good home-cooked adobo and rice.IMG_0305

The thing I love most about my life here is this: I need God…constantly.
And if He doesn’t show up, if He doesn’t come through, then I fail. Every time.

Going home to America was good for me on so many levels, but it was hard on my soul.
I stopped relying on God to meet my needs because suddenly my life was ‘functioning’ without Him…

Everything I could possibly need was available to me as long as I was willing to pay the price.
Any advice I needed or situation I wanted to talk through- I had an abundance of my best friends right there.
My fancy space car I was borrowing gave me step-by-step directions to anywhere I wanted to go.
If I needed an answer immediately, I just looked it up on my phone and Google came through every time.
If I wanted to learn how to start my own business-there’s a book for that.
If I wanted to learn Spanish- there’s an app for that.

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America is abounding with resources and opportunity that most of the world doesn’t have. And with the right mindset and perspective, that can be a huge blessing. Education, wealth, access to medicine and healthcare, and Google on your iphone to answer life’s biggest questions are all good things…until they aren’t anymore.

With all the things of the world literally at my fingertips during my time at home,
I forgot, in a way, what it’s like to really need Him…

There are 16 kids counting on me to provide all the things- food on the table each day, school, their clothes and shoes, and trips to the doctor. And without God miraculously multiplying the money (I promise, it happens), or leading someone to send a check on the exact day we need to pay the teachers that month, or making sure a shipment arrives just hours before the kids need new shoes, then none of what we do every day would happen.

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When the teachers need more pencils and the center needs more rice for lunch and the volunteer team needs more toilet paper and one of the kids needs to see a doctor- all before noon- I know I need Him.

And when one of the girls, 11 years old, gives herself away to men at night to make money, and the 9 year old comes to school completely high and wants to fight everyone, and the government captures one of the girls and shaves all her hair off to shame her- oh how I need Him on those days.

When it’s sweltering hot outside and the mosquitos won’t stop biting and the chickens are fighting with each other so loud and the dogs are barking and my laundry is taking 2 days to dry and I just want to curl up with friends and watch a movie- I need Him to intervene or the result is embarrassing haha.

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I know my weaknesses and flaws; I’m well acquainted with my limits. Every day I am more and more aware of my own inadequacy. And I honestly consider that a huge blessing because it keeps me constantly dependent on Him.

I wish I hadn’t let myself get away from that while I was home. I know it’s harder to live this way in America- but it can’t be impossible. I hope that my mistake can be your reminder that we all really need Him. Sure, if you’re smart and you have enough money and you’re disciplined then you can probably get pretty far on your own. But eventually you will fail. Or at the very least, you won’t experience the “immeasurably more” that He’s promised… (Eph. 3:20)

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What are your flaws and limitations?
Where are you holding back in your life because you’re scared you might fail or you can’t see all 10 steps ahead?
I pray you find yourself in the middle of more than you can handle today and I pray that it leads you to Him…

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Categories: Uncategorized | 1 Comment

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One thought on “I can’t do it.

  1. So true. Love these words. Praying that we are all placed in situations to rely on HIM alone 🙂

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