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READY OR NOT, now there are 5! ..these are the days I had literal dreams about 2 years ago. It’s hard to believe when I look around now that it’s my actual real life. Only God..
It’s been 473 days since this girl made a mom. How long we have together, I can’t yet say for sure. But in my heart, regardless of any courts in our future, I love her as my own. I stand in the gap of all she went without for the 3852 days before I brought her home and I promise her- however imperfect it looks from me every day- that I will fight for her. For her worth, her safety, her development, her well being, her acceptance in society, her future, her joy, and for her precious heart to know and love Jesus in whatever unique way He’s designed. Being her mama has been both a profound, holy privilege, and my greatest challenge in life. She has taught me of a grace extended that fills in all the holes of our days left behind by my inadequacies. She is wired with a strength and resilience that causes me to marvel almost daily at our Creator and His attention to details. And she has a joy about her that honestly just makes no sense after all she’s been through and leaves us all better people every time for being around her. In the last year and a half I’ve learned that dropped plates and wet sheets are not worth losing my mind over. And market meltdowns and fist punches usually mean she’s scared or frustrated at something she can’t express, not that she hates me or I’m a bad mom. She has wrecked havoc on my schedule, and my alone time, and my desire to “have it all together”…things I’d gladly give up over and over again if it means I have her. Aside from my salvation, she is God’s greatest gift to me, and the purest human reflection of His character towards me. She is kind, she is gracious, she is loving, she is not self-seeking, and she keeps no record of my wrongs.
Today, for Mother’s Day, we got her ears pierced and went to dinner. Because she’s been begging for earrings forever and because ole girl loves to EAT. Her happiness is my happiness too.
Thankful to be her mama for now and looking up at Him to get us through whatever lies ahead. All is grace.
Quail eggs for dinner!
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